Your beliefs shape your reality

Here’s a truth I keep coming back to, especially when working with people who feel stuck, overlooked, or under-recognized:

You don’t get what you ask for.You don’t get what you deserve.You get what you believe you deserve.

What you truly believe about yourself shows up in the way you speak, act, and lead.It shows up in how you negotiate, how you walk into rooms, how you handle being challenged.

And science backs this up.

There’s a psychological concept called self-verification, developed by William Swann. It suggests that we’re wired to behave in ways that confirm our core beliefs about ourselves. And that’s regardless of whether those beliefs are true or false.

So if you believe you’re capable and worthy of more? You’ll likely take bold, aligned action. You’ll speak up in the meeting, set the boundary that’s long overdue, pursue the opportunity, even if it scares you.

And people feel that. They respond to your certainty, even when you're still figuring it out.

But if you don’t believe you’re good enough… or deserving of more?You won’t say it, but it will leak through your behavior and how you show up.

You’ll over-explain, you’ll shrink, you’ll tolerate things that quietly hurt.

You won’t ask for more because you’ve already decided, on some level, you’re not worth it.

And that, right there, is the real issue: 

You can't outperform your self-perception.

You can have the skill, the potential, and the drive to match.

But if your inner belief hasn’t caught up, your actions will always reflect that invisible ceiling. Through confirmation bias and selective attention, your brain will find ways to confirm your belief. You’ll prove yourself right.  

So if you want to grow, rise, lead, or ask for more…

The question isn’t: “Do I have what it takes?”

It’s: “Do I believe I do?”

You have to first believe that you’re the kind of person who can.

How to Take This Into Your Week:

Here are some ways to apply this insight in different scenarios:

✅ In a meeting or presentation

Before you speak, pause and tune into the story you’re telling yourself. Are you bracing to be judged? Or preparing to contribute?

The difference lives in your self-talk.

Instead of “I hope I don’t mess this up,” 

Try: “I bring value to this room. My perspective is worth hearing.”

Then let your body support that belief:

Sit tall. Speak with intention. Take your time.

When you show up from a place of inner credibility, people feel it,  even if they don’t know why.

✅ When making a request (promotion, raise, opportunity)

Ask yourself: If I truly believed I was qualified and deserving… how would I ask for this?Let your language and approach reflect confidence. Skip the disclaimers and self-depreciation. Use words that convey value.

Think: “Here’s the impact I’ve made, and here’s what I’m ready for next.”

Not: “Sorry to ask, but I was just wondering if maybe…”

Now here’s the part most people forget:

Rehearse how you’ll respond if the answer is “Not right now.”

Be ready to say:

“Thank you for your transparency. I’d love to know what would make this a yes in the future, and how I can align myself toward that.”

This shows composure, growth mindset, and long-game energy. And most importantly: it keeps your sense of worth intact, regardless of the outcome.

✅ When receiving feedback or being challenged:

Notice the reflex. Does your chest tighten? Does your mind start defending? That’s your nervous system trying to protect your ego.

Try this reframe: “This is data. It’s not a reflection of my identity or worth.”Not everything said about you is true. But everything can teach you something, if you stay open.

You’re allowed to believe in your growth without attaching it to perfection. Self-worth and self-improvement can co-exist.

✅ In your relationships

Take inventory of what you’re tolerating, not just from others, but from yourself.

Are you ignoring red flags? Over-explaining? Settling for one-sided effort?

Often, the real transformation begins the moment you decide:

“I no longer make room for what drains me.”

Boundaries are declarations of self-respect. Every time  you choose to honor your worth, your raise the standard for how others show up for you, too.  

This week, try this one-liner as your anchor:

“I don’t rise to what I want –

I rise to what I believe I deserve.”

Your next level won’t come from striving harder or working smarter. It’ll come when you expand the belief that you belong there.  

Start with that belief. Act from that place. 

The shifts will follow… internally first, then everywhere else.