When I was about 11 years old, my mother had a serious word with me...
She said, “Shadé, don’t be ‘overly nice’ to people...”
She said it because she noticed I’d go out of my way to make sure everyone around me was happy. I would change who I was to suit what they wanted me to be. Because if they were happy, then I felt like I mattered. My sense of self-worth was intricately connected to how other people felt about me.
...At the age of 11, I was a people pleaser. 🙋🏻♀️
Then, at 18, I was Head Prefect/Captain of my high school. One of the prefects wasn’t happy with how things were being run. I couldn’t handle having someone ‘unhappy’ with me, so I went to turn in my badge and give up the position. (Thankfully the Head Teacher talked some sense back into me - and it turned out this prefect was unhappy with something totally unrelated to me anyway).
...At the age of 18, I was a people pleaser. 🙋🏻♀️
And I have countless more stories like this, especially from early in my career.
...Saying ‘yes’ when I really meant no,
…conforming to be what everyone else wanted me to be, and
...avoiding anything that might possibly lead to the disapproval of others.
It was exhausting. I didn’t know who I was without the validation of others.
And I know there are many other women out there who are the same - people pleasers, through and through!
The thing is, when you’re constantly focused on pleasing others and seeking their approval, you subconsciously communicate to them (and you!) that their needs are more important than yours. You silence yourself from ‘being’.
And at work, this manifests in being walked over, taken advantage of and not being taken seriously. OR, it could make you take on WAAAYYYY more than anyone else in hopes that you’re seen as ‘team player’... but then you’re left exasperated & burned out…
Either way, it’s not helpful for you well-being, your self-worth, your career prospects OR your happiness. 🚫
So, if you feel like you’re done with pleasing others and enough is enough, this episode is for YOU!! 💪
In this episode, I share:
The underlying reasons why you might be a people pleaser (hint: it often comes from your childhood),
How this need for approval destroys your sense of self-worth & confidence, and
The strategies I’ve personally used, and I share with the women I coach, to help you break free of your need for validation. ✂️
I hope it’s helpful!
Remember, regardless of the approval of others, YOU MATTER. 🧡
All my best,